No doubt in your life you’ve been through a few different relationships and each one taught you something interesting along the way.  Usually that “something interesting” includes the phrase “Now I know I DEFINITELY do not want to date THAT guy anymore.”  Since there’s a learning curve involved in relationships, I thought it might be nice to hear about a few different types of guys you’ll most likely encounter at some point in the dating world.

~~MAMA’S BOY~~

Nothing like the sight of a grown man carrying a basket full of dirty laundry into mama’s house because he simply never had to learn to do it himself.

bates - mama's boy

 

You know the type: He NEEDS to call his mama every day.  Every DANG day.  And God forbid you keep him from dinner at her house every Sunday night.  Be advised: you will always be compared to her and you will NEVER be as good.  Don’t even try.

The things you love about him: He is sweet, endearing and will always treat you the way he believes his mama deserves to be treated.  He caters to you as a woman, and you have his overbearing, way-too-involved-in-both-of-your-personal-lives mother to thank for his appreciation of the female sex.  He will always put you on a pedestal (even if your pedestal is much lower than hers.)

The things you hate about him: There is really only room for one woman in this man’s life and honey, you just ain’t it.

Just look at old Norman Bates the OMB (Original Mama’s Boy.)  We all know how that one ends…

 

~~HIPSTER~~

He’s too school for cool, that one.

beard - hipster

 

You know the type: He chugs expensive craft beer in dive bars and sips PBR in 5-star restaurants (but NOT before holding it up to the light to inspect it.)  He wears horn-rimmed glasses with non-prescription lenses and pants that are decidedly too small for him.  This year, he decided that “no-shave-November” is for mainstreamers and grew a beard in June, even though it’s 95 degrees and way too hot for a hairy face.

The things you love about him: He really is cool, though.  He loves good music, takes you to 3-day festivals and doesn’t care that your hair smells like bonfire and that you haven’t shaved your legs in 87.6 hours.  He thinks you’re just a “down chick” and he loves to show you off to his hipster friends as such.

The things you hate about him: He will judge every Backstreet Boys and Britney Spears cassette tape you own, even though you swear that you haven’t listened to them since you were 12.  He will scoff at your college friends that he insists upon calling “those yuppies.”  Everything (and I mean EVERY THING) that comes out of his mouth drips with sarcasm and disdain because he is just so over it.

 

~~GREEK FREAK~~

Long live the D-Chi legend.

frat party

 

You know the type: Bros before hoes, dude.  No one separates him from his brothers-for-life…not even you, babe.  He may really like you, but he’s got some serious man love running through his jungle-juice-dowsed veins.  He is very comfortable with the word “bromance” and he never intends to retire that old, beat-up Greek letter t-shirt that got him and his “big brother” through some tough lady-killin’ college days.

The things you love about him: He is completely comfortable in his own skin.  He rejoices when you have a girls’ night so he can finally have an excuse to hang with the guys and reminisce good times without boring you to tears.  Everything with him is “awesome.” He wants to introduce you to all his awesome buddies to make them jealous of how awesome you are, and for that reason, he makes you feel like you’re pretty awesome.  (If you can hang for an PS3 night with the guys, you get MAJOR cool points.)

The things you hate about him: He treats you like one of the guys so often that you wonder if he thinks your name really is “bro.”  He has the urge to wrestle you way too often for you to think it’s cute.  His letters are precious to him, and the bond among brothers CANNOT be broken; plus that beat-up Greek letter t-shirt reeks like stale beer and should be burned.

 

~~MEATHEAD/JOCK~~

There ain’t much goin’ on upstairs, but he sure is purdy.

 brad pitt dance

You know the type: C’mon ladies, we can all admit that at some point, we’ve fallen for the award-winning grin and the perfectly sculptured 6 pack.  Carrying a conversation about anything more than the perfect spiral rotation of a pig skin is impossible.  But a sexy set of shoulders forgives a lot.

The things you love about him: Quads, calves, abs, biceps, shoulders, eyes…ok you get the point.

The things you hate about him: That full ride scholarship for his prowess on the field does NOT, in any way, make him an expert in the world of women.  Let him stick to the world he understands, and you can just admire the show from the bleachers.

~~THE DARK, BROODING TYPE~~

Have you ever taken a moment to ponder the meaning of the star patterns co-existing with us in pure chaos and eternal damnation?

channing tatum - brooding

You know the type: Every line that springs from his philosophical mouth demands that it be followed quickly by a dramatic look off into the distance.  Nothing comes easy for this guy, and life is very rarely blissful.  He spends much of his day sighing heavily, quoting Ralph Waldo Emerson, and sipping brandy.  You are the beacon of light in his dark world, and you simply can’t understand the burden of his complex perception of life.

The things you love about him: The dark, searching eyes that cut to your core.  His ability to make you feel simultaneously in peril because of the impending doom of mother earth and protected because only he knows the extent of the danger and you are safe with him.  His sensitivity: he still cries whenever you mention the pet parakeet you owned who got eaten by the cat when you left his cage open at age 6.

The things you hate about him: Ever the Negative Nancy and the Debbie Downer.  He seems like he is constantly on the verge of tears, even when YOU are the one PMSing, and you begin to wonder if you really are a terrible person because you didn’t think about the cow who suffered to provide your oh-so-delicious cheeseburger.

These are mere stereotypes and do not cover the vast array of love life possibilities out there, but hey, stereotypes exist for a reason.  What’s the lesson here?  Just try to keep your head on straight – this whole dating thing is going to be a hell of a bumpy ride.

What are some of the other types we missed?  Let us know in the comments below?

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